Dinner Party Etiquette - otherwise known as common sense

  

   Our family enjoys having friends over, hosting hospitality, breakfast parties, luncheons, dinners, billiard party's, beer party's, BBQ's, you name it!!  

     However, after a stressful dinner party, I realized I have certain expectations of my dinner guests.  My husband and I discussed the things that caused it to be stressful, we then hit the internet to find if there were any guides on guest etiquette - after all we needed to know if our concerns were valid.  This is what we found:

1. Respond to the RSVP.  Whether you have been invited to a formal sit down dinner or a casual group for lunch, respond to the host with a "yes, we'll be there" or "no, we cant make it this time."  If the invitation comes with any instructions regarding number of guests, items to bring, or a date to RSVP by, follow those instructions.

2.  Come on time - period.  If you are running late this is not the time to call and say you are 5 minutes away when you are actually 30 minutes away!  Your host is keeping multiple things hot on the stove, trying to figure out when to move guests to the table, and knowing exactly what time you'll arrive is very important.

3.  Don't show up with someone unexpectedly.  If  you want to bring someone with you that is not invited this MUST be prearranged.  For certain cocktail party's or an open house this may not be a big deal.  But if it's a seated party, your host has planned for an exact number!

 

4.  Offer to bring something.  If the host doesn't take you up on it, bring a gift.  I found this suggestion on every etiquette site when I was researching for this blog.  As a guest, I have not always done this!!  Here is a list of ideas to take if your host says they don't need you to contribute to the meal:

• Fancy bottle of Jam, vinegar or other jarred item
• Bottle of wine
• Box of chocolates
• A pound of good coffee
• Fresh flowers (as long as you bring a vase - that you leave- and have them already cut, the last thing you want is to add more jobs to your host or take up room in the kitchen!)
• A sweet tea towel
• A pint of fresh berries or peaches from a farmers market

5.  If the host does ask you to bring something, bring it ready-to-serve.  If you need kitchen items to complete it or to serve it - bring them with you!  Example:  If you've been asked to bring chopped vegetables - chop them at home.  Do not assume you can use the hostess kitchen cutting boards, counters, dishes or oven.  This is a no no.

6.  Help the  hostess.  Instead of asking "can I help" offer to do a specific job that needs done.  Slice bread, pour wine, scoop ice cream, slice cake, bring dirty dishes to the kitchen.  If the hostess really does not need help let them shoo you back to the table.

7.  After the party, leave any left over food/drink with the host.  Unless the host asks you to take it home, all food and drink should be left for the host.  I have been to parties where I've seen guests take their wine home if it was not opened, or they take their left-over dessert home.  This is a no no.  When I've seen people do that - it looks really bad!!  Don't be that guy!!

8.  Say thank you!  This does not mean you have to out and buy a thank you note, just a simple text on the way home thanking your host for a great meal, wonderful company and conversation is a nice end to an evening.

Well I have to say those eight items just about cover it, although I would like to add a couple items to this list that I have seen over the years:

• If it's a serve yourself party - don't pile up on the meat or dessert - make sure everyone gets food before you have seconds on your first plate.
• If your asked to bring a dish of some sort - ask about serving size!
• I would prefer if guests don't start eating until I sit down with them. I feel like a waitress  instead of a dinner companion when people *dig in* while I'm still bringing the food to the table or plating other guests' meals.
   

These are just a few thoughts, I'd love to know what you think - what did I miss?  How about host etiquette, have a suggestions?